Taking a ride on someone else's life or When what is just beneath the surface of a deficient manner is best left right there.

My friend of many years, Gine(she is 81, in a fun sort of way~she gives me things like old Buddhas, worry boxes, love, & naked sculptures at random times), hardly ever cooks(never, ever)& refuses to shop in supermarkets~lunch out, dinner out with her husband, bananas, milk, & orange juice from the 7-11. 

So we were in the 7-11 parking lot last night when a woman clutching lots of change & scratch-offs fell to the asphalt.  For 2 seconds, because of my sometime problems with reality(see any schizophrenia entry), I believe it is not happening, but I go for her anyway. 

She does not want 911 called(Gine called anyway). She is climbing up my leg instead of allowing me to give her a hand.  50 other things seem to happen by the time I get her into the driver's seat of her car(which she has insisted upon my doing). I take over the passenger seat, much to her chagrin.  She wants me out.  Stalling, waiting for ambulance.  She wants me out.  She lives "just down the street(no, she will not let me take her there)." Stalling.  My overabundance of answers are pissing her off.  I try refining my message.  She glares.  I nod like a marionette.  Stalling.

She is messy & uncontainable; she is uncertain & defensive.  She is the sometimes me.  I suddenly so know how my ex-bf is feeling when I am paranoid or disconnected & he is trying to help me.  I stop trying.

Thing is, I almost never stop trying, but I can feel my bf's mask on me & I can see my mask on this woman.  Stop. She relaxes a little(when I shut up), & tells me that I am a good person, but this is her life. 

Indeed.

And Gine, who is Queen of Moving On, says to me:  They made me give my full name & if they call back YOU are answering the phone.  Then she goes into the store & buys bananas.

Gine does not read obits because she does not see the point.  Her husband Todd showed her one at the breakfast table a few years back.  She read it, shrugged: Who is that?

Todd: Your first husband!(honestly, happened just like that)

After Gine's dad died, she took her mom everywhere with her.  She cared for her brother while he was living with & dying of AIDS, & she held on to him as he took his last breath.  But when her aunt, who could very well walk on her own, refused to do so, Gine left her right where she was voluntarily planted & went on about her life.

Some of us need a little more Gine.