Living at the beach is usually fun, really.
Gestures of protection & affection. Don, a structural engineer, told me my complex was safer than my area's hurricane evacuation center~but I'll come get you..Ditto the comments of Manfred & Jack. Is there a reality show in there somewhere? My 3 Ex-Boyfriends. Hey, don't feel guilty about me, just plan around my flaws(cause I'm not going anywhere).
Don was right. The evac center got evacuated, but I wasn't in it.
A mixture of chaos, carnival & mean arts. You continue to be your own worst problem. I provided some assistance to people in the surrounding area who were without food or money, but guess what Mr. Orthodontically Challenged? If you are drunk & pounding on the hood of my Benz, I will not help you. One of my greatest strengths, save for the few times it has been a complicated weakness, is that I have not an iota of fear about my inevitable demise.
But still.
I'd rather not be beaten to death by any number of people who resort to violence when they feel excluded from power.
Hatred & fear. Just when I thought I belonged home with a book,I met a young person who'd been displaced by the hurricane~he referred to himself alternately as transgender & genderqueer. In part he said: You don't know what it is like when no one understands, no one ever understands you..but they know they hate you & that they are afraid of you. My grandparents don't want me around my cousins. I'm not a pedophile, I'm just queer.
Well, a few people did understand, just a little. Manfred's dad(who fortuitiously happens to be a retired psychiatrist)offered him his guesthouse & a gay friend who has worked on several AIDS charity events with me said his spare bedroom was unoccupied if he wanted it. The kid was dressed better than all 3 of us... after having been displaced by a hurricane...so there was some envy on our part, but definitely no hatred or fear.
He is so very affectionate, but...I fear we have turned this into a world where he will hang his affections almost anywhere just to have the benefit of a kind touch. It is so easy to trace the softness in him.
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It seems most of us trade our affections easily for that warm touch. Some more so than others.
ReplyDelete'One of my greatest strengths, save for the few times it has been a complicated weakness, is that I have not an iota of fear about my inevitable demise.'
ReplyDeleteThis struck me, Mary, because like you, I have never feared death -- only felt an intense preoccupation with the idea of it as being (one of) the gateway(s) into the experiences which await us outside the security and protection of our five senses.
But to comment on the bulk of this post, I am also struck by two things. No. 1, you are a hugely gracious soul. No. 2,
'You continue to be your own worst problem.'
I was just reading a book about this last night. Idols, false selves, the burden of the illusory 'I' who is both an identity and a prison.
All that and my heart going out to the person who is not accepted by family. Not a pedophile, just a queer. Would that love.
Like Suze, I was struck by your professed lack of fear when facing your demise. Good one, I wonder why so many are scared of no longer being?
ReplyDeleteThe queer kid has to learn to have confidence. Sod the nasties who can’t ‘understand’. The world doesn’t need them. Seems like you and your cohorts can help him with that.
Spoken like someone who has never walked the walk, Friko. Just sayin.
ReplyDeleteCool that living space was offered to the transgender friend. He is far from alone. Check this out:
http://fortytonone.org/
He is half-German and positively Bohemian; he fits right into our end-stage radical phase. The term "queer" has a new dignity these days.
ReplyDeleteHz
Dear Mary, these two sentences spoke deeply to me: "He is so very affectionate, but...I fear we have turned this into a world where he will hang his affections almost anywhere just to have the benefit of a kind touch. It is so easy to trace the softness in him." I fear that also. Peace.
ReplyDeleteSending you good wishes. My brother lives in Manhattan and has spent the week cold and wet and dark. I can only imagine how awful it is where you are.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are doing well, and that you are loved and have people concerned for you welfare. I don't know what to say about The Boy. Very conflicting in his interactions with everyone.
ReplyDeleteGood christ, lady. This is beautiful. All of it. xx
ReplyDeleteThere is something to be said about 'That Girl', whose 3 ex boyfriends are willing to assist in a hurricane!!!
ReplyDeleteGood story, sorta happy ending. It is never bad, to be nice! There is never a time it will not be remembered.
Hey, Glad to know Sandy did not whip you, but something is wrong, I think I understood it on the second read. hahahaha
Love you lady, I bet a lot of folk enjoy seeing you coming. ( some folk are liked only when they are leaving. LOL) The latter is not thee!
so... i am so very glad i stopped by here today to uncover your window to an alternate reality of an everyday neighborhood in an extraordinary circumstance. i admire your writing.
ReplyDeleteInteresting story... Mary and her three evil exes... wasn't that used in the Scott Pilgrim storyline..?
ReplyDeleteGood that you were able to avoid the worst of the storm, though if some cat was beating on my Merc, we would have had some words..!
Today as I made the journey to see Princess and her boys, I stopped at a Burger King near her house. There was a transgender person working the front counter and I wanted to be empathetic to them, save, they had a mouth that was made by meth. Perhaps they are in recovery as they get it together, but I did not pry, not wanting to get in over my own head.
Mary, you just keep rolling along... ILY..!
So glad and thankful you made it through Sandy with no real harm. It's always a blessing to know you've helped some endure a bad situation. And I tend to agree with one of your other commenters, I think we all in some way, and to some degree gravitate to where the kindness is. For a touch, a soft word, a gentle ear.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you made it through safely, and very glad you have friends who were on standby, just in case. :)
ReplyDeleteYou live near the beach?? I am sooooo jealous. I don't know if I could stand all the Sandy's of the world ...( and the guy hurricanes... can't think of any of their names) knocking on my door, but I guess sometimes you gotta take what Mother Nature dishes out.
ReplyDeleteI have a cousin who is gay,.. well I have had 5 gay cousins and 2 of them died of aids. I have found, that most people are more comfortable around gays, than than gays seem to be around straight people. Not sure why that is.
Glad you got away from the beach and are in a safe place with people who you choose to be with.
ReplyDeleteMoves one to tears.
ReplyDeleteI am very glad that you were able to come out of Sandy safe n sound Mary. Still praying for you folks on the coast...
ReplyDeleteMik
My maternal grandparents dealt with being excluded from power in that way, though they'd not have ever understood if I had tried to articulate it to them in that way.
ReplyDeleteI am going to tell everyone in the dorm to just plan around my flaws. I never worry when you are stubborn or determined; that's the real you.
You always write just enough to leave us wanting more. I can trace the softness in you. LuvU,Am.
glad to know you are safe mary. all we had here was a mighty wind.
ReplyDeletei think the gift of acceptance you give that young person is priceless.
xxalainaxx
Thought provoking words and great to hear that you and your crew are safe - as is the Benz.
ReplyDeleteLong throat clear: One isn't an X. I adore protective men.
ReplyDeleteYech, I have to remind my son to floss. If there is a chance you may be waterboarded by the environment, stick to cola or juice. At times of great crisis I tend toward diet cola. I am not an angel or an extra disciplined person, but I am anxious enough to be mindful that my children and grandchildren might need me in an awake and aware state. It is best to take a companion when doing that sort of relief work, for many reasons.
As a grandmother I am appalled that his own grandmother is treating that young boy like Polanski. We don't even treat Polanski like Polanski anymore. That child would hang his affections at home if they'd invite him in.
After reading this I realize I'm good with the main but I want you to script my entr'acte.
-Jess
Aloha from Honolulu
ReplyDeleteComfort Spiral
~ > < } } ( ° >
> < 3 3 3 ( ' >
Glad to hear you made it through. Thanks for sharing all of this. It has me thinking... what, I'm not sure quite yet, but that isn't bad. Not at all :)
ReplyDeleteglad that the young man got help...can imagine how hard it is for him..lots of people don't know how to deal with folks that are a bit out of the normal lines..partly can understand this ..often it's insecurity and fear..but of course it hurts..glad you made it safely through the hurricane...
ReplyDeleteHi Mary,
ReplyDeleteWishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving. Hope all is well with you!!
happy thanksgiving mary...i feel for this kid...it is a hard life not being understood and feeling excluded as well...ugh....insecurity and fear for sure....
ReplyDeleteHi Mary, I hadn't thought about you being at the beach in the storm - probably because I don't know the area where you live. You can be quite secretive for someone who is always so open.
ReplyDeleteYou have always had such a huge heart. Those who come to know you in real life or on blogs are certainly blessed. The world is tough enough, I hate to hear when someones own family can't be accepting. That just hurts my heart.
I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. I've missed you.
tragedy and difference brings out both the best and worst in people it seems. I didn't realize you were on he coast, hope things are improving in your area. Not much seems to be happening helping with this storm compared to others.
ReplyDeleteHi Mary,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say hello and thank you for stopping by. You are so right about good sleep being a precious thing.
Hey Mary - you are, as always one of the good guys. Hope your Thanksgiving was ok...take care.
ReplyDeletehey you...hope you are doing well...smiles. if we are learning today, it is one class i dont want to repeat...
ReplyDelete